The Rauhnaechte, or, the pagan bardo between Christmas and The Epiphany

New Grange, Ireland, and the Winter Solstice dagger of light. As  a dear friend of mine said, one may know what lies within only by going in, otherwise, there is little to talk about. Talking about such things trivializes them and renders them obsolete. The invitation is to experience them, to enter the darkness with a full heart and a willingness to be emptied. The unknown gift of the return of the light and the ability to read the signs in our lives. Here is the opening to the womb of the dark, in which the birth of light is participated in, celebrated, known.

 The spiral brings us also back in on our selves, back into the center point, the dark point, the, as my tai chi teacher said, apparent closure, and leads us out again into openness, light, and birth. Sunwise, moonwise, earthwise, turning, turning, turning. Celebrating the wheel of the year, the ever spiralling time of a year's cycle through the seasons, through the dark and into the light.

Being here in Germany at this time, I notice two things very strongly. Firstly, because my childhood memories are not from this place of food, family, traditions of gift giving and time spent together, and because I am not christian in belief or practice, I am left rather empty about the experience of christmas going on around me. Which is not to say that I do not value the traditions of my German family and the time spent together. I do value those experiences very much. But, I am aware that underneath the current enjoyment, there is a rather large space of non-meaning, a hole of dark, which is absolutely in order for the season. And, I notice myself also searching, reaching, longing, as always, for depth of meaning, ancient knowing, human truth hidden in mindless rituals that stay on the surface. From an email with a friend: christmas is such an interesting thing. i agree with a- about the commercialism, and i know you actually do too (though you love shopping!). it doesn't have anything to do with the meaning of christmas. i am not a practicing christian, but i was raised from the time i was 8 to 16 going to church, so i know the traditions and the meaning. It is just that it is lost on me. i think of the return of the light with the solstice and the birth of the sun as the natural reality of this time that is seen through the lense of the christian story of jesus. But every religion and faith has some winter time festival of light. The darkest days of the year are upon us and we as humans always celebrate the return of the light, the movement towards spring, the rebirth of our life for one more year. and i think coming together, and feasting, and lighting candles and cooking traditional foods and sharing time together is really important. And the symbols of the time are important- christmas trees, stars, if one is religious the creche and the story of jesus. And it is a time for looking back at the year and being grateful for what we have and looking ahead with possibility. just because there is also a commercial buying overlay doesn't mean we have to give up the deeper meaning.


The second thing I notice very strongly, is the dark. It is very very dark here. We have for 3 months about 8 hours of light per day. And most of those days are rainy. And this year, there is very little snow, a lot of rain, and it is weirdly warm for the season of year. This darkness explains why in this western/northern hemisphere culture, the big stories are based on the fight of the light, or good, and the dark, or evil. Because it is such a tangible thing to be submersed in darkness. And while the darkness is, as a former teacher said, fruitful, it is also, at a survival level, untenable. We are, like plants, built to seek the light and the warmth. We know in our bones and guts that light means life and dark means death. Why else would we think of intentionally built archeoastronomical mounds/caves as graves rather than ceremonial places of great transformation? We confuse transformation with death all of the time. And the great possibility and hope of the return of the light, the promise of warmth and new life, is as powerful an image as we humans can recognize.


Having just passed through the darkest night and the great pageant of christmas, now between the Rauhnaechten- the 12 days "of christmas" or the 12 days between december 25 and january 6, (which the church has overlaid with christian symbolism), are the days when spirits move along the earth. It is important to stay home, to stay warm and careful during these 12 days and nights. Fights, sicknesses, strange weather, are all signs of the spirits afoot. Each day is said to be a portend for the month for which it stands- the first day being january, the second day, february, and so on. Much to think about in these times and days. So much to integrate, signs to read and understand, the new life to welcome and the old one to let go of. I suppose, as they do every year, these days between Christmas and New Year's cause me to grow philosophical, to look for meaning and depth, to "go inward" as we used to say at the Zen center. There truly is a lot of darkness here- so little daylight and so many grey clouds. And it causes me to reflect on the darkness within us as a species, and the light within us. The ability to make meaning, to tell stories, to make beauty, to love.

coming into the close of the year

One can see that I am not a writer. I come to this blog sporadically, when either the mood strikes me or the time allows. I would actually like to write more, but I seem to always pack my life full of things to do. Sometimes, these things are wonderful, inspiring, and nourishing. Other times, I seem to to be so busy I am barely at home with no time to cook and I have no idea, other than work, what I have done that day. And I only work a half time job. Granted, looking for houses and driving all around the Hochtaunus takes time. And driving to my parent's in law and spending the night. But, for example, I seem to have had very little time for studying herbs (exactly none) since August.

We are not really any closer to finding "the house", but we have really learned a lot about what we don't want and what we do. For example we know now that we want about half an acre of land for the house/garden itself with a barn, and then we need to rent/buy about 2 acres to have our imaginary but hopefully later very real 8-10 sheep on a rotational grazing style pasture.

I am reading Marie de Brebis: the rich sound of the simple life (in German!!!) by Christian Signol. Marie told her life story to Christian two years before she died and he published it as a book. In the southern mountains of France, she was found in 1901  by a Shepherd in the middle of his herd of sheep with a note that her name was Marie. She grew up as a shepard, married, had children, lived through two wars, healed people with her hands, made bread, and kept always her beautiful devotion, her joy in life, and her great loving open heart. She is my new heroine and I definitely want to be her when I grow up. That is to say, she has realized the vow that I also have, to love all beings, and lives a truly handmade life, steeped in her culture and her community and her time.

After her lambs are born and she watches them jump around, she says "The animals are born far more mature than the human child. We are not so superior to them, as is often thought. When people were a little humbler and wiser, they would study the life of plants and animals more closely.But people often have crazy ideas to rush forwards without knowing why, without taking the time to look at themselves. And in spring, when the grass begins to grow between the stones, one can learn more than from all the smartest machines. But who thinks of these things anymore?"

 Now comes the weeks before Christmas, a holiday which I celebrate obliquely and more pagan than christian (tree, presents, food, candles, Winter solstice/"rebirth" of the Sun), going along for the ride, as it were, on the coattails of st. nick. And so I have started baking, of course, and making hand made christmas presents- felt stars for christmas ornaments and nets of stars for wall decorations, a vest hopefully for nic, if I can pull it off, jam, candied ginger, membrillo (quince paste), chutneys, etc. We have our tree already, but won't put it up till next week. Christmas markets are in full swing, which accentuate two things about christmas- its non-stop all-out consumeristic frenzy of shopping, and its non-stop, all-out gathering of people in the dark of the year to drink, eat, and be together. Which is really what the time is about. Marie knew that, what it means to live depending on neighbors and friends helping each other through the year, and celebrating the festivals and feast days through the year to dance, eat, sing, and celebrate the crazy beautiful joy of being alive and the gratefulness of living though the whole cycle of the year, one more time.