I remember I said to you that I am lucky because I have this skin problem which forced me to eat this way to gain my health back. The korean buddhist teacher of my former teacher always used to say, bad karma is good karma, and this is a good example of it. Somehow, the human species just doesn't do things to take care of itself until things hurt or are sick- the same is true on the environmental level- it has to get to a crisis before we'll change our habits. And I think many women have the idea that they want to lose weight, usually first for vanity reasons (i know it always was with me, and i still check out my stomach every morning to see if it is bigger or smaller, some habits die hard, if at all). I always wanted to lose weight and be thinner and, in my mind, more beautiful. And I also wanted to be healthy, but not as much as I wanted to be beautiful, which in my idea meant thinner and in better shape. And interestingly, although I tortured myself with self incrimination, the longing to be thinner or in better shape and the hating of the fat on my body never, ever, got me to lose weight. I always just kept eating yummy food, enjoying it and continued along being miserable afterwards.
Now that I have done years of healing around my eating issues and worked with my own feelings of self-judgment and self-hate to the extent that I can honestly say that I love myself, I have the opportunity to work with this skin problem of mine on a "physical" level. (Though, of course, nothing is only physical.) But now coming from the physical health standpoint, in terms of digestion and assimilation, elimination, Liver, Kidney, and so on, and how that then shows itself on my skin as Rosacea. The more I do this way of eating, the more I see that it is not something I am doing "to get rid of the Rosacea" although that was definitely my idea at the beginning, but actually something I am doing for my wellbeing for the long term. That I have lost weight and my skin is getting better are important side effects, as it were, but they are becoming less the central focus. I am also lucky because I am curious about health and I want to be an herbalist and a naturopathic doctor and so forth, so I have the inspiration as well as the imperative to live what I learn and what I hope to impart to others. I look at why folks go to massage therapists or doctors or herbalists or whoever, and I see the same thing there is some discomfort and there is a wish for that discomfort to go away and we hope that those people will help us. And usually we want them to cure it without our having to change anything about our own lives.
However, we also know that prevention is the best medicine, right? and that actually we need to live a lifestyle that supports our life energy, that allows us to live the life we dream of, that helps us to achieve our goals while keeping our health, energy, vibrancy, and joy alive. And I believe it is really important to have an intention for "eating healthy" that is connected with who we really are and the expression of our unique voice, our gift in the world. Our wish does not have to be huge, or be about serving selflessly and saving the world or whatever. It can be simply the wish to live a life full of good friends, love, work that is fulfilling and the ability to be present with what is actually going on in our lives, to enjoy things while they are happening, to listen, to care and be cared about, and to live fully whatever it is we are dreaming of. Somehow, eating well, or being healthy needs to tie into that intention and be a part of realizing it and not to an intention based on losing weight so we'll look better, or be more acceptable to ourselves or society or whomever. Because that is yoking our energy and intention to that which is making us unwell, rather than what makes us thrive. And I can say only, I want to thrive.
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