Life Partners

Excuse me for not writing in a week, but haven't felt the need to say anything. Now I want to write a bit about our Lebenspartnershaft, or Civil Union, because it is coming up two weeks from tomorrow and we are busy planning it and preparing. This is the completion of many ceremonies we have been blessed with over the last year, since leaving the zen center and being in the bardo of our transition here to Germany and into partnership. Friends have given us blessings on their land from many traditions- peruvian shamanism, Cherokee, Buddhist- and in many places- New Mexico, Maine, Eastern Canada, Connecticut. We have been blessed by many friends and loved ones all wishing us well and showing us their love and support. These have been so important to me, and the love and spirit from them still holds me close.

Quite an amazing thing to prepare for a thing such as this. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have a whole hetero wedding in a white dress, etc. We're not having a seating chart, for example. Although, when my sister gets married it will be one of those. She taught me, for example, that straight girls watch wedding shows on t.v. and pick out their dresses and rings before they even know who they are going to marry. I know not everyone does that, but I didn't know anyone did that. All the same, so much more nervousness and questioning than I thought would arise bubbles up in my consciousness. Somehow making it legal makes it feel more like stuck than partnered. But of course being with her is exactly what I want. I had to turn the whole concept around and see that being together actually includes everything, that it is not the ending of things or the ending of opportunities (nothing specific here, just vague fear) but actually includes everything- including separation and death. Then I can easily agree to exploring this great adventure together. I am so curious about what will happen and how my life will unfold. And mostly, I  just don't believe myself when i have a weird thought that starts with never, or always, or what if. I just drop it and move on to something else because I know it is a fabrication. 

We are getting partnered in the old Synagogue here in Grosskrotzenburg, which is to say the place that was the Synagogue before Krystal Nacht. The uncle of a friend of ours actually stole the Torah to protect it ( He was not Jewish) and the S.S. found him running out of the Synagogue and were going to kill him, so he faked an epileptic seizure. They left him alone and he brought the Torah to the Rabbi a day or so later. It is now a space for cultural activities and ceremonies. As we went to Auschwitz this year and brought the names of the people from this town that were killed, it is meaningful to us that we will be in that space. 

Yesterday, we met with the woman who will conduct the ceremony, Frau Amberg, and discussed the specifics. I made the mistake of referring to her as du, which is the informal form of you, rather than sie, which is the formal. well, speaking another language has its risks. I only hope I did not offend her too much. I'll have to figure out how to apologize before the ceremony. We will have one more ceremony before the ceremony, which is about the nature of our relationship- stepping as adults into our partnership and honoring one another's uniqueness and gifts as well as our togetherness in partnership. The morning of the ceremony, we'll go out onto the land with two people who will facilitate the ceremony of the basket with us. Then, we'll have the partnership ceremony in the afternoon at 3. My mother will sing at the beginning of the ceremony and my sister at the end. We are going to read a few poems and there will be the actual vows and exchange of rings. (Nic always says- finally we get to wear our rings!) Afterwards, we will have sekt (champagne made with grapes not from the region of France called Champagne) and little snacks and cake and coffee. Once our life settles a bit and things are more relaxed, we will have a bigger party for all of our friends and family. But for now, it will be small and intimate. 

So there you have it, a Life Partnership in Grosskrotzenburg, Hessen, Germany between two women, an American and a German. Apart from the paperwork and the internal dialogues, it has been quite easy so far. And apart from the fact that I still don't really know what I want to wear, I think everything is organized. I'll give you the update after the fact.